She belongs to a well-educated family, and is herself very highly educated. She is a gazetted officer – a lecturer in a university. My friend informs me that she is being continuously threatened by her husband with divorce. She does all the household work before going to the university, and resumes the remaining work after her hectic schedule in the university, trying to give her best at everything. Yet, she is being nagged for something or the other, and is threatened to be divorced. They also repeatedly forced her to leave the house. But being an educated girl she has so far not succumbed to these threats. There is a Domestic Violence Act 2006 to save her. But mental stress for her and her parents is natural.

I wonder what could be the potential reason for such behavior against a well educated, beautiful, caring girl such as her. I asked my friend immediately “Was dowry offered during the marriage?” He said, “Yes. In fact a lot of negotiations and demands happened at the time of wedding and many things including a car were demanded in dowry”. This was the catch mentioned in the research paper!

The time the negotiations for dowry starts or dowry is specifically ‘demanded’ from the girl’s parents, and when the girl’s parents start agreeing to those demands, it is precisely then that the seeds of domestic violence are planted. There is a thing called self-respect in the human civilization. But in the modern Indus-Valley civilization, putting that self-respect in the feet of the potential groom’s father is called ‘humility because of being a girl’s father.’ Ironically, the more money the girl’s father shows and the more demands he is ready to fulfill, the more he thinks his respect will grow in the society.

So, once the ‘negotiations’ for the sale of the boy start, the value of the girl starts going down with each demand agreed-to. Thinking logically, this is natural – it is the eternal rule of business. The more there is demand of a product, the more the price will be. Here the product being sold is the groom. And the more prices the customer is ready to pay for it, the more the shopkeeper will keep quoting – you have to be emotionless if you are businessman. Else you will fail – another rule of business.

Once it has been established that the self-respect of the bride’s father is rested upon the feet of the groom’s father, and once the value of the bride is degraded, and that of the groom’s increased during dowry negotiations, anyone with the slightest idea of business can predict how the bride and her family members would be treated post-marriage!

Do not agree to those demands, and do not send your daughter or sister to such a jail. Find another boy for her before it gets too late!