She’s unsung, you won’t recognize her in a crowd. She’s not on TV, she’s not in the newspaper. She could be your mother, your sister, your wife or that neighbourhood aunty you’ve always admired. She’s that invisible fuel that keeps us running.

This Women’s Day, I salute the Everyday Woman. Without you, this world would have folded a long time ago.

Dr. Mitu Khurana refused to abort her twin daughters when she was falsely tricked into a sex determination test by Dr.Kamal Khurana, her husband and also a doctor himself. Mitu’s story of struggle began here. Her staunch refusal to abort her children led her husband to eventually throw her out of their house. At other times she was harassed in a multitude of ways, from being denied food and water to being coaxed into giving her daughters up for adoption after they were born.

When Mitu realized that doctors at Jaipur Golden Hospital, had tricked her into a sex determination test she decided to speak out against this crime. She filed a complaint with the Women’s Commission and various NGOs and also became the first woman to file a complaint under the Pre-Conception and Pre-Natal Diagnostic Techniques (PC-PNDT) Act in Delhi.

No action has yet been taken against her husband and her in-laws. Both a high court judge and her workmates asked her to drop the case and reconcile with her husband. She has also been advised to continue her efforts in getting pregnant till she has a son.

Dr. Mitu Khurana is brave woman who has spoken out against sex selective abortion which a serious problem in our country and goes mostly undetected or is hidden under layers of societal pressures, much like all other gender based violence.

A U.N report reveals that 1.2 million girls were ‘missing’ in India between 1981 and 1991 due to sex selective abortions and female infanticide, while 4 million died prematurely due to neglect. So what is that is so unforgivable about being a woman in this country?

Join the march for India’s missing girls-

Mumbai : Fight-Back is organizing a walk in Mumbai on Date:March, 6. 2010.
Time: 11AM
Location : Starts at Nariman Point and ends at Nirmala Niketan College, Churchgate.

Delhi: March 6
Time: 9:30AM
Location: Starts at the India Gate and ends at Jantar Mantar in Connaught Place.

Jamshedpur : 7th March 2010
Time: 3 p.m. to 5 p.m.
Location: Starts at Golmuri Welfare Centre (attached to the Roman Catholic Cathedral and Bishop’s House ) and will return to Golmuri Center for discussions on female foeticide, infanticide, trafficking and domestic violence.

Pondicherry Date: March 6 2010
Time: 10:30AM
Location: Starts at Pondicherry University & ends at Auroville.

For more details on Dr.Mitu Khurana’s case visit- http://mitukhurana.wordpress.com/

Having lived so far in a well-cultured and open-minded family in a metropolitan, isolated background, he had no idea about what happens in a house the very next street to his. And having studied and then worked out of his home for the last 10 years, he is totally unaware of things like groom-selling and Domestic Oppression. I had to give him a couple of examples to make him believe the subtle ways in which these things happen – in the name of “Gifts” or “Maa baap ke armaan” and how dowry is related to domestic-oppression. After listening in brief about the issue, he immediately got motivated to spread the awareness about these things in his hometown. And there grew my conviction towards this cause a bit more – if a 2 minute talk about these things can make anyone feel the pain of a woman, what pain would she be made to go through for the whole of her life.. day by day, month by month, year by year.. just to prove herself to be a good daughter, a good wife, a good daughter-in-law and above all, a good Bharatiya Naari!!

While the demand for dowry in uneducated families in rural areas seems to be totally baseless, and totally inspired by greed for earning some quick bucks without any hardwork, there is an interesting explanation that educated families in urban areas give for demanding dowry. “Apne bacche ko padha likhaakar badha kiya hai, accha kamaata hai, acchi naukri kar raha hai.. uski padhai ka kharcha to nikaalna hoga”. Before hearing this explanation, I always thought and was taught in school and in the religious sermons in childhood that whatever parents do for their children is totally selfless. But here, the parents are reclaiming all that they have spent on their son so far! And what about the amount spent by the girl’s parents on her upbringing who is not even going to live with them anymore?

And now that they have reclaimed the money spent on their son’s education, care, growing him up, and his safety and security so far, and now that they have quoted an amount that they think is equivalent to all those direct and indirect expenses, they should ideally stop calling him son – for the son has been sold now and the parents should start calling themselves to be just the ex-caretakers of that guy! And the daughter-in-law to be the new caretaker to whom the son has been sold. And post this business-deal, the old caretakers should stop interfering in the matters related to the new caretaker and the guy! But this does not happen. Moreover, the interference increases, and the things like domestic oppression, and regular harassment of the bride keeps pinching her for the rest of her life. And if she is somehow able to take her husband away from his parents for a happy life for herself, she is termed as “ghar ko todne wali”…

What sort of unethical deal is this !!

When will we stop passing the buck?

People often ask me, “can your organization take this up?” In the context of some incidence of violence against woman they’ll approach an organization and ask them if the organization can take some action.

Few days back I got a call at work, a certain gentleman said there is a family in his neighborhood where a lot of domestic violence goes on, the husband apparently is a drunkard and he beats his wife frequently. So the gentleman asked me how can we help him.

The immediate thought that came to my mind was to report the matter to the police. But he said that will be too extreme a step. So I  said, “sir, to begin with do an immediate intervention, next time you hear violence take some more people with you and simply knock at their door, ring the bell literally and stop it. Tell him it is not acceptable in the society. Once you have intervened rest will follow, report the matter to Protection Officer, file an FIR at the nearest police station if need be and so on.”

But those were not the solutions the gentleman was looking for. He asked, “But what can your organization do? No body will do that kind of intervention here, Koi nahi karta hai ji, can’t the organization do something?”

I said, “if the neighbors who are the closest to the family can’t intervene, how do you expect an organization to intervene, sir?”

When he insisted I gave him the contact of Lawyer’s collective, HRLN and Jaagori because Breakthrough doesn’t do direct interventions.*

For how long are we going to pass the buck? When will we stop and do something with our own faculties — our eyes, ears, hands and heart. Our eyes see violence, we stand by and watch — what are we doing? Why do we behave like we don’t exist, what are we waiting for? A divine intervention?

In Mahabharata when Draupadi was being molested a room full of men watched. Every body watched and enjoyed some waited for a divine intervention. Are we all following that example?

The truth really is that violence doesn’t exist because husbands are drunkards or mentally ill. Violence also doesn’t exist because the family is poor or uneducated. Violence exist because we don’t stop it.

Today, ask yourself, what are you doing as an individual? Even bigger question is WHY are you NOT doing?

*Breakthrough doesn’t deal with individual cases – we do mass media campaign, mobilize, inspire, educate, revolutionize — so that individuals don’t pass the buck anymore.

Breakthrough Rights Advocate, Sarita from UP, India

Sarita took the Breakthrough training in Nov’09. Before the training she had never heard of domestic violence or gender issue. She knew that women get beaten up but didn’t know how to articulate that as a rights violation and didn’t know what to do about it. After the training she felt empowered.

One of the direct impacts of the training was when she heard of violence happening in a house in her neighbourhood, she went to that house, rang the bell and asked for some tea leaves. Sarita says that since then there has been no violence in that house.

Sarita now is an active Breakthrough Rights Advocate who is busy disseminating the information she obtained from the Breakthrough training to more youth groups. When asked how can domestic violence be ended Sarita said we should give these trainings to more women so that they can become self dependent and speak up against violence in their homes and community.

Story created by Rights Reporter Ashish

If you know anybody who rang the bell send us their story in a 2 min video format or as in text format of 200 words to bell_bajao@breakthrough.tv

The three TV spots created by Ogilvy & Mather featuring campaign ambassador popular actor Boman Irani  has not only reached 132 million people through television, radio and press in India they have also had unprecedented impact across the Globe.

Inspired by our videos artists from Pakistan replicated them and created 3 similar videos which were most probably aired via Geo TV Pakistan. See the video below (Video 2, Video 3)

Check the original Bell Bajao Videos on the Media downlaod page.

Although the 3 TV spots uploaded on Youtube by Fiveradios are said to directed by a certain Imran Ahmed and carry the official logo of Geo TV Pakistan and officially no credits have been given to us, we wish to take this in a positive spirit. It is heartening to know that we have been able to influence the creative minds in Pakistan which is also a high prevalence area so far as Domestic Violence is considered.

Earlier we have been appreciated for our efforts by noted Pakistani journalist Ms Sana Saleem on Dawn Blog where she mentioned how our Bell Bajao ads are a examples of how social intervention can go a long way in curbing domestic violence.

Going farther, Cesar Robles, Communication Officer of Spanish organization Paz y Desarrollo (Vietnam) wrote to us about how our campaign and the resource material available on this site has inspired him and his team to create their own video. See below the said video.

It is great to see such impact of our work and to know how commonly runs the thread of domestic violence through various regions, country, religion, class. All that is needed is to connect these pieces and make Bell Bajao a truly global campaign giving a clarion call to men and boys all over the world to Ring the Bell and Bring Domestic Violence to a Halt.

This is to announce that both ‘Bell Bajao’, ‘Ring the Bell’ and all related ads created by Ogilvy and Mather are registered property of Breakthrough. Anybody using them in their campaign are requested to acknowledge the source in such words, “Inspired by Breakthrough’s Bell Bajao Campaign.”

DNA Reports:

The Delhi high court on Monday held that sex without marriage amounted to rape

The court rejected pre-arrest bail to a man who repeatedly had sex with a woman but refused to marry her even after their engagement.

The woman stayed with her fiancé, Nikhil Prasar, in Mumbai for a few days, “where they had fun, and then went to Delhi and stayed in a hotel where they had sex”.

When it came to fixing a date for marriage, however, Nikhil refused, on the grounds that he had learned that she belonged to a different caste.

…

He (judge) said it appears that the man did not intend to marry the woman and that was why he did not wait for sex even till his formal engagement with her.

If he were so orthodox and conservative that he broke the marriage owing to caste differences, he should not have hurried in for sexual intercourse before marriage, the justice said.

The court held that if it was not held as rape, it would “result in unscrupulous and mischievous persons taking undue advantage of innocent girls by promising marriage with them”.

Sexual intercourse before marriage amounts to rape or it will result in victimisation or exploitation of innocent girls, justice Jain said.

Sex without marriage is rape? In what mind can a judge make such comment?

The rape laws in this country is in a bad state and needs immediate reforms not even 30% of the rape victims get any justice. Instead of trying to change the law and ensure better mechanism to ensure conviction our honorable court is going about making regressive statement such as this. It is not of the Court or of any body else’ job to play moral police in today’s liberalized society which is constantly embracing human rights. Today we have legalized sexual intercourse between same sex consenting adults, under the PWDV Act we have given recognition to live in couples and even granted protection to violence against women living in with a male partner.

By labeling sex without marriage as rape the court is actually giving a bad name to sexuality on the whole.

We understand that sex without valid consent is rape, every night millions of women are raped by their husbands when he establishes sexual intercourse without her consent. But the Court and law turn blind when it comes to addressing such sexual violence amounting to marital rape. An act of love or passion outside marriage is labeled rape.

I don’t want to go into the question as to why the woman registered a case of rape against this man, she may or may not have ulteriror motives, or may be the man actually did rape her. We don’t know. But if the Hon’ble High Court thinks that they have given a judgment in favor of women by calling pre marital sex as rape I will say they have given a huge set back to the very little progress we have made in the difficult struggle of asserting our right to a healthy sexuality.

I don’t know how to react to such kind of sexual violence as described in the report, I don’t know if it was to ever happen to me how would I have tackled it. I couldn’t even begin to imagine the horrid violence that might be hidden behind all the stories of girls going in for abortions that I keep hearing from my neighbours, relatives and maids. Any of us can be a victim of this violence and the same can never be brought into light as it does not leave any evidence about the culprit. What kind of sadistic creepy man will do such a thing deliberately.

I am reproducing the full article here for your reading benefit. Please read it and tell all the women you know to be safe from such violence.

Latest in sex violence: Sabotaging birth controls

Washington: Researchers have unmasked a new yet sinister face of sexual violence against young women and teenage girls.

Male partners force them into pregnancy by damaging condoms and sabotaging birth control efforts, acts linked with physical or sexual violence , known as reproductive coercion, says a new study by a University of California-Davis (UC-D ) team.

What this study shows is that reproductive coercion likely explains why unintended pregnancies are far more common among abused women and teens, said Jay Silverman, study co-author and associate professor at the Harvard School of public health.

This study also highlights an under-recognised phenomenon where male partners actively attempt to promote pregnancy against the will of their female partners, said study leader Elizabeth Miller, assistant professor of paediatrics at the UC-D Childrens Hospital , who also found that risk of unintended pregnancy doubled among such women.

Conducted between August 2008 and March 2009 at five reproductive health clinics in Northern California, the study involved 1,300 English and Spanish-speaking women aged between 16 and 29 years, who responded to a computerised survey.  They were asked about birth-control sabotage, pregnancy coercion and intimate partner violence. Questions included:

Has someone you were dating or going out with ever told you not to use any birth control or said he would leave you if you would not get pregnant.

Has someone you were dating or going out with ever taken off the condom while you were having sex so that you would get pregnant

Approximately one in five young women said they experienced pregnancy coercion and 15% said they experienced birth control sabotage, said an UC-D release. Over half the respondents or 53% said they had experienced physical or sexual violence from an intimate partner . More than a third of the women who reported partner violence, 35%, also reported either pregnancy coercion or birth control sabotage.

(source)

Prabha Singh is also one of our Rights Advocates

4.35 pm

I would like to infer here that the day long event turned out to be a great forum to learn/share and know about the rights of Women. It  is high time for women tormentors to give due respect to women folk and also change their attitude towards women. I sincerely hope that the world will not be same when that thinking comes to all.

Bye for now.

Gururaj Kodambahalli

4.10 pm – Talk from Ms. Merlin, Legal professional and Director of Deeds NGO,  – She recollected the proceedings of the whole day and asked the crowd to make introspection on whether a woman is the biggest enemy of a woman. She pointed out some of the daily issues any house wife or a working woman face everyday, be it in office or at home. Merlin went on record saying that as Anganawadi workers, they have the right decision making and judgment skills to provide counseling to the needy women. She wondered whether there is any good step mother is there in this earth or not taking one of the skits into account and suggested to show woman as not the enemy of other woman. She also spoke about the three orders/injunctions  which prohibits husbands to physically abuse the wife, throwing her out of the house and selling the house without her consent.  Speaking about upbringing of the children, she recommended to all the women present in the event to make their daughters to raise their voice wherever they experience or see injustice and not be just mute witness or undergo harassment. It was an inspiring speech for all and the crowd acknowledged by joining their hands together.

3.55 pm – Play by Eight Circle -� The play starts with a school kid Chenni coming to home only to find her mother eloped with her paramour. Hearing this news, Jenny’s father also dies.� Chenni becomes an orphan all of a sudden. Her Uncle takes her home. Her Uncle’s wife and children does not like this but eventually allows her to stay but like a servant.� She is ill-treated to the core and made to eat left-overs. Her Uncle starts seeing her with an ulterior motive.� One day suddenly Uncle’s wife dies and this makes him more drawn towards Chenni. One day when nobody is in home, Chenni’s Uncle goes beyond the limit and takes undue advantage.� Uncle’s son, who was secretly loving Jenny comes to know of� her father’s and Chenini’s relationship becomes very desperate and starts ill-treating Chenni more and more.� One day Chenni’s Uncle decides to marry her and ties the nuptial knot forcibly which is witnessed by his son. He gets so dejected and becomes a drunkard. Chenni could not take this and tries to commit suicide only to be stopped by Uncle’s daughter at the right time. She then approaches Anganawadi Teachers/counselors to find a solution on this. They assure her and ask to bring Uncle, his son and Chenni to the Center.� They counsel all of them and make them strike the right chord.

3.45 pm – Dance by Ninth Circle – Scintillating dance performance by all of different age . The steps are uniform, the dress very striking and the song, very meaningful in the context of today’s event. It seems to me that all the events today are very meticulously planned and sends a strong message to the society about the Women Power.

3.30 pm -� Tulu Skit from Fourth Circle -� This depicts the struggles of a housewife, Savita who wanted to be self reliant but always ridiculed� by husband and mother in law.� She comes out of her husband’s house and start business on her own and prosper through her hard work. She also gives jobs and guides other ladies, destitute women towards self reliance. She propspers so much that she drives her own car, takes orders through her cell and becomes extremly busy and famous.�� Seeking constant guidance from Break Through she zooms past everybody and becomes rich.

Seeing her richness, her husband and mother in law comes to her acting very good and showing that they are repenting. But Savita is aware of their greedy character and doubtful credentials, she refuse to live with them and sends them out of her house after a fitting reply.

3.20 pm – Now the new skit is more of social maladies like female infanticide, dowry, child marriage, prostitution, alcohol, AIDS.� The skit was done in a highly articulated� way and earned huge applause.

3.15pm – Wonderful ‘Yakshagana’ performance ends.� True to the Women Centric event today, the performance was more of a women oriented and as the organizers themselves said ‘This is an attempt to give more scope to Women and their thoughts and work.’

Credit should be given to the children who acted like thorough professionals.

1.50pm – ‘Yakshagana’ performance starts with an all-women cast (a first!) and not about mythology but about ‘domestic violence’ (another first!)

1.37 pm – Lunch Break which will be followed by an ‘Yakshagana’ performance.

1.20 pm – Now a play on ‘Spandana’ by the Anganawadi First Circle� – A typical day for an anganawadi worker who also has lot of family commitments.� She goes back to her house a bit late after a greuelling day of survey work and is questioned as though she had committed a crime and is beaten black and blue.

A girl who could not get a job despite her good qualifications is seen� walking on the road near a Bar. She encounters a lady whose background appears to be dubious.� She shows sympathy and brings the girl to the owner of the bar and restaurant and sells her without her knowledge. The Bar owner coerces her to do dance� and get involved in immoral trafficking.� The girl pleads with the owner to leave her but to no avail.

At the same time, a police official appears and inquires with the owner about the license and the girl in tatters.� After not getting any convincing reply from the owner,� she arrests him and advises the girl not to trust anybody blindly. The play ends on a happy note with the girl getting out of the bar and reunite with the parents.

12.45 pm – Ms. Shanta of ‘Vimochana’ addressed the crowd and emphasized the need of Anganawadi workers to work towards Domestic Violence. She recollected how ‘Vimochana’ was started. She also spoke in length about Female Infanticide happening all over India.� She called for the starting of ‘Mahila Nyaayalaya’ meaning ‘Female Court ” where all the cases dealing with women can be tried.� She also mentioned that as per the survey conducted on ‘Dowry Death Cases’, very few cases accounted for conviction and majority of the cases were derailed during the course.� Ms. Shanta dealt with the differences between ‘Varopachara’ and ‘Varadakshine’. She was very vocal on the derailment of dowry deaths that happens with the collusion of the authorities.� She also stressed on the change that should take place in our police administration.� She expressed deep apprehensions about the conviction rate related to dowry deaths and went on to question the loop holes� in the entire system. Talked about the various workshops conducted in different cities until now to bring in more awareness about the Court.

12.30 pm – Circle 7 will be presenting a skit ‘Varadakshine’ meaning ‘Dowry’

The skit is about how the parents of a girl married to a rich family gets into the whirlpool of debts. It also deals with 1961 Dowry act. The mother in law gives a time of one month to settle the dowry. Even after one month, when she does not receive the dowry as promised, the Mother in Law sends the daughter in law back to her house insulting her and abusing her physically. It ends on a happy note after counseling about the Dowry Act.

12.15 pm – Circle 3 presented a Tulu skit ‘Kannirina Thelike’ meaning ‘Laughter in the midst of tears’

The play is about a blind girl who is tormented to no end by her step mother. The step mother’s son also ill treats the blind girl though the father tries to advise both of them not to trouble her. To put an end to her sufferings, he plans to marry her but was not sure whether anybody accepts her. Fortunately, one guy with a good heart accepts the proposal because of the girl’s good character. The skit ends in a happy note.

11.55 am - Now the Circle 9 of Dakshina Kannada Anganawadi is performing Tulu skit on the theme ‘Ponnu, Samsarada Kannu’ which effectively means ‘A Lady is the eye of a Family.’ The skit is based on a real life incident where the wife faced perinneal harassment from the husband who never respected his wife and belittles his own daughter when she happily shows her marks sheet. He again admonishes his wife and leaves to drink alcohol. Once he is back, the wife chides him but he beats and kicks her and sends her out of home. She approaches the elders, teachers and counsellors and requests them to advise her husband suitably. They effectively counsels him and he repents a lot and becomes a changed man.

11.45 am - A video clip of Shobha Mugdal’s ‘Man ki Manjire’ focusing on the women’s rights, their entry into new horizons, the dreams, the awakening , their belief in themselves.

Drawing parallels between Shamshad and another harrasment case, she called up on the crowd to take courage in every aspect and face the issues as it comes and have a never say die attitude.

11.30 am - Ms. Kanmani, working as Trainer in CART told a heart rending story of Shamshad who commited suicide on Dec 3, 2009 unable to bear the torture is a victim of both extreme domestic violence along with police dereliction of duty. In a video which was taken on her when she was alive, she(Shamshad) narrated the trials and tribulations she underwent in the form of domestic violence. She told how her husband tried to burn her by pouring kerosene on her on more than one occasion.

Ms. Vani Periodi called upon the crowd to muster courage to fight against these evils and also find a solution rather than going for suicide. She listed out a new charter in the form of the below bulleted points to enable such situations do not arise.

* there should be a full time officer to look into these sensitive issues
* Police, Advocates should be sensitized
* A separate law should come into effect
* Time should be the essence of this law and suitable action should be taken within a short time

Taking these issues into account, there will be a signature campaign to support the charter to enable it to expediate

Ms. Kanmani expressed thanks for the Break Through for their constant support .

11.25 am – Mr. Venugopal in his Vote of thanks expressed his heart felt thanks to Ms. Shobha Rani, Ms. Neelam and all others who graced the occasion as Chief Guests.

11.15 am - Ms. Shobha Rani, in her presidential address recalled the efforts that were put in to hold the event. She felt sad for those who could not attend the event due to the transport strike. She spoke about the trainings that are available for the Anganawadi workers. She stressed on the awareness related to domestic violence, how to find a concrete solution for the various harrassment. All the legal aid that needs to be given to the the women suffering all types of harrassment are being provided with the help of a advocate who will be present always for the needy. She cited a scenario where the husband is a high earner and subjugate his wife for various types of insults and at the time of divorce or breakup, the husband will get the custody of the child though as per the law, the child should always stay with the mother.

11.10 am – Ms. Neelam, a legal luminary who was involved with the External Affairs Ministry is now addressing the crowd. She emphasized on the dimension of the domestic violence more from a violence on children perspective. She quoted a report on Child Abuse which stated 70% of children are abused, both physically and mentally which is a startling find. Summing up, 2 out of 3 children are abused. She recollected her proud moment when her daughter did her PhD. ‘Men will not stop the domestic violence until Women resists’ was her mantra. She congratulated all the people involved for working on the cause of domestic violence.

11.05 am – She further spoke about the domestic violence prevailing and sought a solution once for all on the burning issue. She also let the crowd know about the list of events that will happen throught the day culminating in a Yakshagana performance and thoughts from the people assembled.

Now the traditional lighting of the lamp is on with the revered guests lighting the lamp one by one with the background of some soothing music. The mood is ecstatic in the hall.

11.00am - The much awaited event organized by Break Through – Sashakta Hejje – Mahila Mela is now on at Mangalore’s Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan.

Braving the Bus strike which is the lifeline of DK, it is heartening to see Anganawadi workers assembled in large numbers.

The event started with a customary prayer and continued with the falicitating the Chief Guests assembled on the dias. The Chief guests have done commendable work in their fields and deserve all the praise.

Ms. Vani in her speech expressed speculation in the beginning about organizing the event. She related Anganawadi as the ‘Jeevanandi’ which can be called as Life Line when translated to English.