Logo courtsey, www.acog.org

Seventeen years old and visiting a doctor for the first time in her life, Amira, married a few months back, finds out that she is pregnant. She remembers that about to years back, the health worker had advised her to take vitamins because she used to feel fatigued. Today, the doctor tells her that she is anaemic. Her blood test suggests that her haemoglobin level is as low as 6g/dl. The doctor tells Amira’s mother-in-law that she will have to be careful about Amira’s food and care, otherwise, Amira and her foetus may not be able to pull through. Amira’s mother-in-law is insisting that the doctor should give her daughter-in-law some tablets. But the doctor replies that it may not be good idea because Amira is already suffering from diarrhoea and the medicines used in cases of anaemia have a tendency to cause constipation or diarrhoea may aggravate her condition. Amira is angry. She can’t understand why she has to go through this when other girls her age are going to the school, and do not have to worry about anything. The doctor tells her that she is in this situation because she is married and pregnant while her friends may not be. He explains that at 17 she is still growing; her own body requirement of red blood [haemoglobin] is high. Pregnancy at this age means far more increased demand for red blood [haemoglobin] to meet the needs of the foetus. Since her body is producing more blood to meet the needs of the foetus without having enough iron in her food, it is causing wateriness in the blood. “it is like adding water to blood to meet the quantity requirement but it reduces redness in blood and causes all the trouble that she is facing”, the doctor explained.

Amira’s village falls within the service catchment area of a health centre. The centre is not far from her home. “It is useful for children”, says Amira about the centre. Her family did not want her going to the centre when Amira complained of dizziness a couple of times. This centre has no facilities for women’s health other than an examination room. Amira did not complain about it, “I don’t like to go to the health centre, anyway”. But her family took her to the centre when she developed persistent irregular bowel movements. The health worker prescribed her medicines meant for diarrhoea. Amira’s mother-in-law patiently listened to her grumblings and cajoled her to take the medicines as prescribed by the health worker. Two days later Amira fainted. Her husband collected his savings and decided to take her to a private hospital in a neighbouring town. Her mother-in-law gathered a few things that may be needed in case they have to hospitalize Amira. She loves Amira. She frequently asked her son to be gentle with Amira and showered extra affection on her thinking she is a delicate girl who is having difficulty adjusting to the married life.

Safiah, Amira’s mother-in-law is around 40 years old. She is dressed in a black abaya and a black pair of gloves which reflect her family’s modest condition. The opening in her naqab for the eyes has lost its shape and is partly covering her left eye. When the doctor was explaining Amira’s condition, she could feel a lump in her throat. She couldn’t help breaking into loud sobs when Amira’s angry voice asked why she has to go through this. Safiah is not convinced with the doctor’s explanation. So while the doctor was explaining she interjected many times to tell the doctor as well as Amira that it is women’s fate to go through death to give birth. Like many traditional Yemeni women, Safiah believes motherhood is a holy duty that every woman must perform even if it means risking her life. But she is desperate to protect Amira. Once they came out of the doctor’s room, she dragged her son to one side and asked him to pray so that Amira’s first child birth goes smoothly. In a slight indirect way, she asked him to give Amira some rest.

“We did what we could do. We are doing what we can do. Allah will save Amira like he saved me”, Safia says in a voice, which shows that she is trying to reconcile to the reality of the situation. Amira’s husband, a 25 year old brick-maker is Safiah’s first live born. She was lucky that her parental family was relatively well-off. She remembers that her father often told her mother to feed her well. But the first pregnancy nearly killed her. She still remembers the long painful labour at the end of which she fainted. When she regained consciousness, her mother told her between cries that her child is with Allah. She remembers taunts and stigma that she had to bear till she gave birth to a son, Amira’s husband. In all, she went through 14 pregnancies of which nine survived. Only her youngest son, now eight years old, was born in a hospital. She had to be rushed to the hospital when her water broke but she was unable to push the baby out. These multiple pregnancies have taken a toll on her. She is glad that her husband finally heeded to the doctor’s advice to use protection to save her life. She remembers that her stepmother was not so lucky. Barely two-three years older than Safiah, she suffered and finally succumbed to death while giving birth to her first child at home. She was barely 17 or18 years old. As always safiah mutters a prayer for her stepmother and her thoughts move to one of her three married daughters.

Safiah’s three daughters were married by the time they reached 17 years of age. Two of them became mothers within first year of their marriages. Safiah’s second daughter, Arwa who was married at 16 years of age, could not adjust to the life after marriage. She wanted to finish basic schooling and join the secondary school. Her parents-in-law and husband prohibited her from studying and reprimanded her every time she failed to do any of the household chores. Fatigued and pregnant with her first child, Arwa ran away to her parents’ house. She was forced by her father to go back to her husband. A few days later, she had a miscarriage. Her health deteriorated rapidly. There is no government hospital close to her marital village and the cost of treatment in a private hospital was something her husband refused to bear. In a matter of months Arwa was divorced. She has been at her parents’ house since then.

I narrated this intergenerational story to highlight how near absence of knowledge of women’s health among health centre staff, unavailability of women health workers and doctors, early marriage, lack of knowledge and sensitivity among decision-makers in the family, and many other such reasons take a toll on women’s lives. Yemen is one of the countries with the highest rates of maternal deaths during childbirth and infant mortality. In areas where some preventive women’s health programmes are available, shortage of women paramedics and doctors and cultural resistance to examination by men, early marriage leading to early pregnancy, scarce resources and many other such reasons practically push women to death. Yemeni women will continue to die unless the government, development organizations and society become sensitive towards women and begin to believe that terrible realities of women’s lives can be changed and must be changed.

A few things may have changed in the 21st century. These days more women are marrying later at the age of 21-25 years after completing their education and women even try to find a job before they get married. While some continue with their jobs after marriage there is a large portion of women who quit work to look after their family.

I think it is important for a woman to do what she is most comfortable doing. She should have the right to choose the way she would like to live her life, and not be forced to take a decision by her husband or in-laws. A woman should have the right to either be at home and take care of her family or go out and work.

I feel that these days it is important for a woman to be financially stable and independent, lest she has to leave her husband, or they divorce. It is important to have some income of your own so that you are not always dependant on your husband’s wealth. It is also a refreshing change to step out of the house and take your mind off the issues at home. At the same time I also feel it is essential to strike a balance between work and family. The family should not be ignored at the cost of the job.

In this context, I would like to mention this news piece I came across on Times of India’s IDiva, which says a certain global poll has shown that one in four people, most of them young, believe a woman’s place is in the home. I quote TOI here,

The survey of over 24,000 adults in 23 countries, conducted by Reuters/Ipsos and released on the eve of International Women’s Day, showed that people from India (54 percent), Turkey (52 percent), Japan (48 percent), China, Russia, Hungary (34 percent each) and South Korea (33 percent) were most likely to agree that women should not work.

And, perhaps surprisingly, people aged between 18 and 34 years are most likely to hold that view, not those from the older, and more traditional, generation. However, the majority, or 74 percent, of those polled believe a woman’s place is certainly not at home.

[Source]

I would like to ask the Bell Bajao readers what they think about this, even after all the achievements done by women all over the world, do we still think they are better off living within closed doors?

~ This is an an attempt to focus light on a survival story of a young girl and her hardships that turn into her power which made her much stronger finally!

~survivor unveils ~

Stabbed at chest,
Nail marks on neck,
Eyes cold, red blue crumple,
Fear swallows, Tears elopes,
She locked herself into the room,
And called the rescue center immediately!
This is how she saved herself from the violent wild Wolf,
Crunch, the wolf was her legally companion,
A black-belt earned girl unveils in an inspiring interview!

Sadly the domestic violence is a reality and still prevails in India and all over the world. Domestic violence is far more than the just bruises and wounds on body; it is an irreversible scar on the mind and soul.

No! not in any case man or woman, need to tolerate the violence or any kind of abuse.

~ Maltreatment is against human-kind! SO let’s raise voice against it.
~ Support the one who need help before jumping on the conclusions.

How long we will keep mum and blame the society! Just like charity starts at home…this revolution to say NO against any cruelty or harassment must get propagated from the own family. No more blaming games or any silly excuse.

…abolishing
domestic violence
is an evolution
to a revolution
of The Change..

Let you or any of your known family people not be a victim. Let’s educate and learn from the past decades generation’s mistakes which were committed under the veil of culture and tradition.

Lets woo and take a promise, “I, yes! I will take a stand”, no matter what!

~Stop treating the woman as the flower vase…when you like the vase you keep decorate it with flowers and keep at the corner and when you get bore you don’t care and throw to break it.

Note:
~ The above drawing is an extension to RACHI CREATIONS.. created by thyself with basic crayons colors.
~ I support the Campaign “BELL BAJAO – Bring Domestic Violence to a HALT” .

A year ago

My maid is an illiterate woman from Bihar, Muslim by religion, but with relatively fair IQ for her being and upbringing. She is single-handed bringing up her 5 kids and taken steps to ensure no more babies all by herself. In response to her act, the husband went absconding for good 2 years. It took her 2 sons and 1 daughter more after her 2 daughters to collect enough amounts required for the medical process.

Her 1^st daughter is 12 years of age; she herself being 25. She was married at an age of 12 years and Nagina was born when she was all of 14 years..!! It sends cold chill down my spine each time I think about it. As a matter of respect, I have personally admitted all her kids to the nearby Government School and am funding for their education. At the moment this is what I can afford. This was after much counselling since Sonia wanted to get her daughter married off in the next year..!!

Her husband is a species of parasite. A rickshaw driver by occupation, he keeps himself drugged all the time. He says he doesn’t earn more than 10- 20 bucks and gives her nothing in terms of money. Even on days that he makes no penny (as he claims) he still manages with his dopes. Only after much cribbing and fights (both physical and verbal), he has agreed to get her groceries whenever he earns ‘some money’, i.e., whenever. He is back by 5-ish in the evening and keeps loitering around.

Sonia would tell me how her mother would lock her without food and water any day that she would manage to sneak out to the nearby pathhshala. How she used to be beaten up by her father-in-law and was once even tried to be burnt alive upon finding out that she was trying to make her Election ID card; which she thankfully and successfully had by then. She now dreads going back to Bihar because she would be house- locked again literally, her daughters (all) would be married off the 1 ^st thing and a few more things; reading which would only reflect upon humiliation.

It is just a gist. It was tough for me to be able to pen whatever I have here.

It is a shame that we are trying to change the whole face by demolishing the so called illegal constructions and putting people to death- bed for some Games may be and yet are unable or probably un-willing to demolish such criminal activities still going on like some pious, religious practice. My heart bleeds whenever I get to hear what she has been through and still is being.

Serials like Balika Vadhu and the likes, why can’t the Authorities make it compulsory for all schools to view it half hour every day?? The people who they are intended for do not have the money for Cable connection; just when would our society realize it?? Instead, people who are already educated and understood are watching it like a Daily Soap and getting entertained.

It’s time that sympathies be over and some action be taken. The kids are the ones who witness and learn the daily activities. Its them who would bring about a change in our community by watching the correct behaviours if they are made to that is.

A Year Later

I have stretched myself and deployed her for her complete time at my place and her money.

• She gets to sit with me on the Table and have her food- not to mention the Table Manners.
• She has now learnt to wear outfits other than Suits and Sarees.
• She knows English Names for the Vegetables and Fruits and common household objects.
• Greets and wishes in English (being the international language across the globe)
• Actively fights back whenever her husband tries to beat her up.
• Has stopped giving her earnings to him.
• Sports a smart hairdo instead of long pigtail (literally)

Several times I had to run down to her place to save her from being beaten up to death or may be to console her kids because the husband would go absconding..

I am not willing to adopt her and give her an easy way out without realization; instead, she would have to fight back and do it all by herself

I have promised to her that in course, I would stand with and by her for all she needs.

A still from the film - the young girl with head scarf

It has been a while that I wanted to write about the much talked about tradition of wearing a Hijab or Burqa. The context was set even better when I saw this short Spanish film by Xavi Sala about Hijab in Europe and the discrimination young Muslim women face in a so-called “free” Europe.

See the film yourself and the message will be pretty obvious. A young school girl is being confronted by her teacher where she in various ways tries to convince the girl to take off her head scarf, which is seen as a symbol of religion. Through the 5 min conversation, we hear the various arguments in favour of the decision to ban Hijab in public schools. The teacher says “we want people to be equal, no one else is wearing a hijab why do you want to wear it? Do your parents hit you if you don’t wear it? This is a place for freedom and liberty, here we cannot allow a sign of oppression.”

The young girl reveals there is no pressure on her from any side, even her parents want her to take it off, but she simply doesn’t want to. She says, “I cannot see myself without it”

Finally she gives in, takes off the head scarf and goes inside the classroom. She takes one look at the students sitting there, none of the students appear equal so far as their physical appearance, clothes, fashion, hairdo were concerened, if one was wearing a bandana, another was wearing a cap, somebody had a weird hairstyle, another had a tattoo, others had piercings…the room was full of all kinds appearance sported by the students. Only she was not allowed to wear a Hijab because that, as per the law makers, was a symbol of religion.

Her freedom to chose whether she wants to wear the Hijab or not was given to her. It will not be too difficult to view this as Islam phobia on the law maker’s part.

In the context of Islam phobia, I read an article which talks about how the progressive Muslim community at large is urging their women to take off the Hijab. I quote,

Opinions about the hijab are often discordant and sometimes contradictory: Is the hijab a duty or a right? Is the hijab an indication of religious freedom or of submission to Islamic extremism?

On March 8th 2008 a group of Arabic websites and blogs launched the international campaign “Take off the veil,” arguing that it is a response to what they see as “intellectual terrorism” practiced by strict Islamic groups and individuals. One of the campaign’s leaders was Elham Manea, a professor at the University of Zurich, who bravely said: “My hair is not a sex symbol that I should be ashamed of, and my body is not a stage for men’s fantasies. I am a noble human being with my hair and body.”

So far so good, I think I understand both views fairly. I however have some unanswered questions. Some time back I got into this debate on twitter. It started when I made a statement on Twitter saying, “the hijab looks like a sign of oppression to me, I don’t understand how some Muslim women happily wear it.” Masarat Daud a progressive, liberal, secular Muslim woman who proudly wears the hijab immediately responded to me asking how could I make that judgment that it is oppression when I have never actually worn it. We debated for almost half an hour exchanging tweets back and forth. I will share the summary with you here.

I have never worn a hijab / burqa, but I still feel it’s oppression on the basis of how I would feel if I was asked to wear one. A big black shapeless colorless garment which covers me from head to toe I will die inside it. In Bangalore everyday while on my way to work I used to see hundreds of young girls wearing it on their way to college near ‘Commercial Street’.

Burqa clad women in a sea beach in Mangalore. Photo by Sanjukta

I remembered my college days, they were best days, of the many fun things we did, shopping was most favourite. But how much fun is it for a burqa wearing women to go shopping? Do they feel excited to buy that brand new Lee jean in store? Or that new Remanika skirt? In summers, do they go shopping for those nice pastel summer shades, how about that long over coat for the winters? Or do they not go shopping at all?

What happens to those small aspirations and desires of young girls to look nice, special, to feel good about what they are wearing, to wear something that compliments their bodies, to look at the mirror and feel nice about what she sees? These desires are all sinful?

When a girl happily makes a choice to wear a Burqa she still is not making a positive choice, it is a negative choice. She wears it because she is conditioned to think think it is the right thing for her to cover her modesty. She wasn’t born with that wisdom somebody told her that it is the right thing to do. Who said it, we don’t know, religion perhaps?

One is also not sure which part of our body exactly is the ‘modesty’. Is it our breasts or the waist or the neck line or the cleavage or the vagina? It is also not clear whether those who cover their modesty are of the impression that others who don’t are not modest. So Sania Mirza or Katrina Kaif are immodest?

When a girl is born in any family she doesn’t automatically know what she will wear when she grows up. Somebody in the family or society tells her what to wear what not to wear. We don’t come with the advance knowledge on types of garments like what is a sari, salwar kameez, trouser, skirt, long dress, short dress et all. We learn from what we see around us.

Some of us have that choice to pick and wear whatever we feel like, some don’t. That’s the difference.

I will have no problem if a girl wears a burqa because she thought it was fashionable to wear one or because she thinks she really looks nice and comfortable in it but if she is wearing it because it is a dress code given to her by her religion it becomes oppression.

That’s why in the short film I fail to agree with the message. A tattoo, a weird hairdo, a bandana or a funky caps are things available in the market as fashion items and we pick up out of our own free will. Religion or culture has got nothing to do with it. But a burqa is given to us by the religion. Whether it is forcible or not, it still remains a religious dictate.

And this oppression is not against women, the dictate that Muslim men should have beard, or Sardar men should have long hair are equally oppressive.

I will end this debate here. Will really love to see Masarat respond to this post.

A still from the film 'Dance Me to My Song' which deals with sexuality and disability. A must watch.

…

they look at me, they hear my desire,

and they say ‘scab.’

And they say ‘dreamer’ like it was a dirty word

and they say ‘how dare she say such a thing

how dare she say she wants to walk

again how dare she say she’d prefer

to run free, to feel her vagina again

how dare she voice that

after all we have done to make

disability a state in which to be proud?’

… [1]

I began this essay by asking two of my colleagues, leaders in the disability movement in India, about their views on sexuality and disability. One response was, “You know better about the issues being faced by disabled persons here than to waste your time on sex obsessed Western thinking.” The other wondered, “(Disability)[2] still remains a kicked off affair in the triangle of charity/welfare, medical rehabilitation and vocational training … when and how do we talk about sexuality?”  I also (not so) vaguely remembered a comment which I heard some months back at a rehabilitation centre in Cuttack, India about a pregnant young woman with cognitive disability:  “She just can’t control … they take their eyes off her for a minute and she has done it with someone … Men! I tell you … Third pregnancy … can’t even get hysterectomy … and abortion at this stage is risky.”

I wondered if my colleagues actually thought it is an irrelevant issue or, perhaps, saw it as a divisive issue for the disability community[3]. Or, being women, did they feel constrained to acknowledge the relevance and risk being perceived as sexual beings in a society which gives respect to women only as long as they remain passive sex objects? Was the person at the rehabilitation centre attempting to control the sexuality of the pregnant woman in a way different from how she would control her own or an ‘able-bodied’ woman’s sexuality?

I searched for answers in Pfeiffer’s description of nine versions of the disability paradigm in disability studies[4]. Sexuality was not part of any description. But these questions do emerge from recent research on sexuality and disability.

Broadly, the new research raises issues related to gender, sexual identity, sexual behaviour, and sexual access[5] and reflects on exclusion of the issues like sexual information, sexual relationships, sexual activity and sexual abuse from the theorizing as well as disability rights movements and policy[6]. Recent research suggests that the disability discourse has been framed in medicalized and human rights terms and it is caught in individual social binary[7]. The individualized focus of the medical model sees disability as a problem with the individual body and the functional limitations or psychological losses assumed to arise from disability as the sources of the problem. In other words, it views disability as a personal tragedy[8] and draws attention away from the socio-structural relations, and socio-cultural notions of physical and sexual attractiveness.

The social model, contrary to the apolitical and uncritical nature of the individual model and which has been adopted by the disability movement focused on social change in terms of inclusive physical environmental access, employment, etc.[9] by taking political stances. If the individual medicalized model saw the person as a “docile and passive body, rather than a reflexive subject”[10] and casts human variation as an aberration[11], the social model is yet to “address the fundamental issue of bodily agency.”[12] Makayute’s peom at the beginning of this paper is an example of assertion of the embodied self against the givens of the social model.  Briefly, both individual and social models excluded the phenomenology of the body as “lived experience”[13] and consequently ignored the experiences of multiple barriers to and their psychological impacts on sexuality of the disabled persons.

I will reflect on the questions asker earlier in the introduction within the social model discourse paradigm and analyze the psychological, social and cultural contexts as intraphenomenal and interphenomenal factors affecting disabled persons sexuality.  My arguments will have a focus on the ways in which sexual lives of disabled women are denied, resisted and controlled at various levels.

Discourse & Advocacy

The pressure to ignore the bodily experiences for a collective voice to locate and challenge the barriers “out there” has made disability theorists and activists collude with “the idea that the ‘typical’ disabled person is a young man in a wheelchair who is fit, never ill, and whose only needs concern a physically accessible environment.”[14] This collusion has led to the sidelining of disabled women, non-visible impairments, intellectual impairments, elderly with chronic conditions[15], and disabiliy’s interaction with gender and other social, cultural oppressions[16]. Further, it has ended up contributing to the disappearance of the embodied experiences from most disability literature[17].

Paterson and Hughes make a useful analysis of the disabled body from a phenomenological standpoint through the concept of “dys-appearance” as opposed to “disappearance.” They say that in the everyday social experiences the disabled body “disappears” but the “disappearance” is disrupted by factors such as pain and disease. These disruptions make the body appear again or “dys-appear” as a thematic focus of attention in a “dys-state” – as undesirable and anaesthetic. The body experiences pain and disease as intracorporeal phenomenon (or the pain reminding of the existence of the body) but “dys-appears” as intercorporeal phenomenon, ie, forced to recognize “its own presence-as-alien-beings-in-the-world” due to the impact of “the profound oppressions of everyday life.”[18]

The “dys-appearance” of the body has led to a “conspiracy of silence” about the “impaired body,” and not only a negation of pain, fatigue, depression and illnesses but a denial of dialogue about the body[19]. It has prevented a sense of pride in the bodily differences and acceptance of the changed body images amongst the newly disabled[20], disallowed aesthetics of impaired bodies, and blocked diverse expressions of sexuality through feelings of shame and inappropriateness of the impaired sexual body, by the disabled as well as by the society[21].

Feminine Body & Appropriateness

Meekosha while questioning the lack of equal attention to violence against disabled women examines three broad dimensions of feminist engagement with bodies: objectified bodies, regulated bodies and bodies as texts. Objectified bodies are “not naturally but socially produced, reproduced and culturally inscribed. Women’s bodies are featured as eroticized parts of a ‘perfect’ whole. The objectification renders disabled bodies as deficient and therefore subject to abuse, invasion and remodelling.”[22] Regulated bodies engage in Foucauldian self-surveillance to achieve or retain the body ideal and to control the sexuality[23]. Regulation of bodies discounts the biological and subjective experiences of pain, illnesses, fatigue, age and physical sexual complexities. Bodies as text exist in the dominant ideological/theoretical assumptions of the social system[24]. Disabled bodies unable to conform to the inscribed text of the ideal healthy (white) “wholesome” female bodies are subjected to oppressive practices and denied a sexual role.

The social norm of sexuality which is based on being “able-bodied” and the material situations of disabled women as “asexual objects” creates “rolelessness” – “social invisibility and this cancellation of femininity” prompts some disabled women to claim essential femininity which culture denies them[25]. This may give the impression that most disabled women have freedom from the standards set by the patriarchal male gaze and that they are in a position to develop and lead happy alternative lifestyles. In reality, imagining them as “antithesis of the normative woman”[26] adds to their disadvantage of being women. It hold them accountable for failing to be “able-bodied”[27] and makes bodily and intellectual differences treated as unattractive and undesirable. A major consequence of which is lack of “sexual access.”[28]

Closely linked to the notion of attractiveness is the notion of appropriateness of sexual desire and act which Shakespeare, Gillespie-Sells & Davis dub as the “fucking ideology” – heterosexual penetrative, man on the top sex. They find the dominant status of the “fucking ideology” oppressive for disabled persons who because of difficulty with positioning and bodily dysfunctions cannot follow it[29]. By contradicting possibilities of non-genital sexuality,[30] it affects disabled persons perception of right and wrong sex and their capacity to give or derive sexual pleasure.

Socialization & Information

Since the society does not recognize the sexuality of the disabled persons, it does not recognize their need to engage in body and sexuality related education or the need for information. There is a lack of information per se and wherever available the format of the information is such it remains inaccessible to the particular needs of the disabled persons. It results in confusion, guilt and silence which affect self-esteem and sexual self-actualization capacity[31].

Wade, while giving a historical account of the regulation of disabled persons’ sexuality in the USA, comments that sexuality education has remained highly controversial and value-laden, treating sexuality education as primarily concerned with the act of sex rather than as information on developing relationship and communication skills, values, ability to identify abuse and to enable the self-determination and facilitate healthy sexual life[32].

Social Construction of Dependence & Segregation

It is ironic that the “special needs” institutions and “special education” provisions which were supposed to meet the particular needs of the disabled persons have furthered their social segregation. The segregation which begins from infancy or the onset of the disability limits opportunities of interaction with “able-bodied” peers and participation in social discourse on sexuality[33].  The equal opportunity policies, meant to provide inclusive access, have on the negative side resulted in complacency and hypocrisy – pretension that the disabled person is equal and could be made normal[34]. This attitudinal barrier in practical terms means that the disabled persons are infantilized and are going to be segregated even in the so called “inclusive” or “integrated” environments unless they do become equal and normal. Most social policies recognize the physical access needs but they do not address attitudinal issues. The policies and social institutions foster infantalization by refusing to recognize issues of sexual access and by expecting those in the institutional care not to express themselves sexually[35].

The story of dependence, perennial infantalization and segregation is not limited to institutions. Duffy writes about being the eternal child at home:

“i am growing up

and you think that i will never go away

that i will always live with you

to be washed and dressed by you

…

you call me máire cock

by refusing to inoculate me against the rubella

you ignore my sexuality”[36]

Shue & Flores bring up the issue of sexual segregation of persons with cognitive disability in supported independent living environments to highlight the critical factor of the decision-making capacity. The individual may retain an interest in having a sexual life but the family members can override personal decisions, and competency[37].

Factors such as support and protection which are needs make the disabled persons vulnerable not only to abuse but also to dependence leading to a restriction on their right to sexual expression. Issues of support also bring to attention leisure and privacy as means by which contacts are made and sexual relationships formed[38]. Intimate nature of sexual expressions are not possible in the face of battles with the daily routine set by the norms of “able-bodied” persons, need to have personal assistance, constraints of living space available and other physical barriers, etc. The idea of facilitated sex remains controversial not only because of the likely dynamics in the carer-recipient relationship but also because of its potential to become exploitative[39]. It may, therefore, seem easier to deny if not outright shun sexual desires than to negotiate them.

Sexual partnerships & Relationships

Considering the barriers to finding sexual partner, Shapiro argues for the state sponsored access to sexual surrogates for the disabled people[40]. His argument forces us to think about the threefold barrier to finding sexual partners. First, denial of information and internalization of negative messages about the body and sexuality leaves women feeling redundant, “burdensome, unwanted and unlovable.”[41] Secondly, physical barriers and segregation already discussed earlier in this essay restrict disabled persons’ opportunities to meet potential partners. And third, possibility of rejection in the “non-disabled” circumstances and larger social perception which denies sexual identity to disabled persons or as a disabled woman says in Morris el al’s book, Able Lives, sees them as only “half a woman.”[42] Looking for partners or acknowledging sexuality may also make disabled women susceptible to be branded as crude or sex-mad because they disrupt the set perceptions about disabled persons with their sexual desires[43].

The internalization of the notions of attractiveness by disabled persons themselves also means that “disabled men may reject disabled women as intimates …”[44] and as Stuart suggests, “It’s almost like a victory when disabled men go out with non-disabled women.”[45] The situation may not be very different for disabled lesbians. Asch and Fine suggest from their research that many disabled women indicate being rejected, shunned or relegated to a position of a friend from being a lover[46].

Just as disabled women are considered asexual, they are also not seen as capable of a long term relationship other than that as care recipients[47]. It also explains the large number of existing sexual/marital relationships breaking up soon after the onset of disability[48]. The assumptions regarding the capacity of disabled women to have the ability to lead normal, ordinary lives also leads to denying them the roles of reproduction and nurturing.  The medical world is not prepared to give them information on or access to facilities related to birth-control, pregnancy and child-birth. Many states forbid persons with histories of epilepsy, cognitive disability and psychiatric disability from marrying. Some states allow the spouse to remarry without a divorce in a case where one partner becomes disabled after marriage. Children are taken away from them, as they are not deemed fit and responsible enough to be mothers. Disabled women face discrimination in the adoption process, to provide foster care and in getting custody of children after divorce[49].

The widespread use of eugenic measures in the modern history and geneticists’ support to eugenics suggests that disabled women are seen as sources of ‘defects’ and who must not be given right to burden society with disabled children. Recent practices of prenatal testing and selective abortion of foetus on the likelihood that the child may have a health problem puts a woman in a complex situation where the decision is not only about her body but also about her lack of confidence in the society that were she to give birth to a disabled child, she and her child will have fulfilling lives. These practices implement social prejudices and infringe women’s reproductive rights[50].

The lack of socially inscribed reproductive and nurturing role may be a great disincentive for those disabled women who see sex and reproduction as integrated. And for women from cultures where marriage must precede sex, reproductive role is the only possible way to have sex. Denial of reproductive role for them is a denial of a sexual life.

Conclusion

Commenting on the limitation of the social model to address issues of meanings and representation of disabled persons, Shakespeare says that the social model “privileges the material level of explanation, and does not give much explanatory space or autonomy to the realm of culture and meaning” and its “mono-linear explanations, reducing everything to economic factors, are misguided.”[51] The social model addresses issues arising from the material processes and social relations which are important in pointing out the disabling role of society. Its analysis of socio-economic structures and processes should be extended to understand wider cultural notions of bodily normativity. It needs to address the production and reproduction of the intercorporeal “dys-appearance” of the body as well as intracorporeal experiences of pain and desire.

Considering that so much of negative perceptions of disabled persons’ sexuality go on unchallenged, there is a need for more empirical work to reclaim sexual experiences of the disabled people for three purposes: to substantiate that disabled people are indeed perceived as asexual and face multiple barriers to their sexuality and to make non-disabled world accept and value disabled persons’ sexuality, to bring sexuality on the disability movement’s agenda, and to validate disabled persons own experiences[52].  Positive cultural representations of sexuality of disabled persons are important not only for changing public perceptions but also to impact on disabled persons’ access to sexually meaningful relationships.

For Detailed Bibliography, visit: http://www.iiav.nl/epublications//2004/Regulation_of_Disabled_Womens_Sexuality.pdf

[2] Insert mine

[3] Marks, 1999: 611

[4] Pfeiffer, 2002.

Pfeiffer’s nine versions include: social constructionist model of US; social model of UK; impairment version; oppressed minority version; independent living version; postmodern, poststructural, humanist, experiential, existential version; continuum version; human variation version; and discrimination version.

[5] Shakespeare, Gillespie-Sells & Davis, 1996; Gillespie-Sells, 1998

[6] Finger, 1992: 8-10; Macfarlane, 1993

[7] Finkelstein in Marks, 1999: 612

[8] Oliver, 1990: 3

[9] Shakespeare, Gillespie-Sells & Davies, 1996: 6

[10] Marks, 1999: 612

[11] Stocker, 2001: 34

[12] Paterson & Hughes, 1999: 601

[13] Paterson & Hughes, 1999: 602

[14] Morris, 2001: 9a

[15] Morris, 2001: 9b

[16] Fawcett, 2000: 47-53; Vernon, 1996

[17] Paterson & Hughes, 1999: 603

[18] Paterson & Hughes, 1999: 602-603

[19] Crow, 1992: 3

[20] Morris et al, 1989: 60-68

[21] Shakespeare, Gillespie-Sells & Davies, 1996: 16-43

[22] Meekosha, 1998: 169-170

[23] Meekosha, 1998: 171

[24] Meekosha, 1998: 172

[25] Thomson, 1997: 284-285

[26] Thomson, 1997: 288

[27] Wendell, 1997, p269

[28] Shuttleworth & Mona, 2002: 2

[29] Shakespeare, Gillespie-Sells & Davies, 1996: 97-107

[30] Wendell, 1997: 274

[31] Shakespeare, Gillespie-Sells & Davies, 1996: 18-19

[32] Wade, 2002: 20-25

[33] Shakespeare, Gillespie-Sells & Davies, 1996: 19-20

[34] French, 1994: 154-155

[35] Shakespeare, Gillespie-Sells & Davies, 1996: 33-34; Marks, 1999: 612

[36] Duffy, 1994: 26

[37] Shue & Flores, 2002: 75-77

[38] Howard & Young, 2002: 109-123

[39] Shakespeare, Gillespie-Sells & Davies, 1996: 35-40

[40] Shapiro, 2002: 78-87

[41] Asch & Fine, 1997: 249-250; Shakespeare, Gillespie-Sells & Davies, 1996: 90

[42] Morris et al, 1989: 86

[43] Morris et al, 1989: 80

[44] Asch & Fine, 1997: 253

[45] Stuart in Shakespeare, Gillespie-Sells & Davies, 1996: 94

[46] Asch & Fine, 1997: 246

[47] Shakespeare, Gillespie-Sells & Davies, 1996: 107

[48] Asch & Fine, 1997: 241-243

[49] Asch & Fine, 1997: 248

[50] Hubbard, 1997: 187-200

[51] Shakespeare, 1994: 8-9

[52] Shakespeare, Gillespie-Sells & Davies, 1996: 207

In his article he had first broken the myth of ‘he is otherwise a nice guy.’ In absolutely unambigous terms he emphasizes that any man who habitually abuses his partner / wife can never be a ‘nice’ guy. Arguments like, he is nice when he is not drunk; ‘if she will not provoke him he will not be abusive; she somehow needs a bit of strict hands; are pure manifestation of our own cowardice and spinelessness which stops us from helping the victim. He further talks about the medical implications of abuse, to quote him:

Physical abuse has not just physical effects, it affects the woman’s mental emotional and social health also.

A significant portion of women who have been abused do not seek medical help for the injuries themselves, but those who do, present with non specific and chronic pain and bruises from having “bumped into something”. Women who suffer long term abuse, and are battered are found to have more injuries in the head, face, neck, thorax,  breasts, and abdomen when compared women injured in other ways. 1

Many women also have to put up with forced sex from intimate partners, which results in sexually-transmitted diseases, bleeding or infection, fibroids, genital irritation, pain on intercourse, and urinary-tract infection. Studies show that the odds of having gynecological problems is upto 3 times more in victims of physical abuse.

Mental effects of abuse are quiet profound too, some studies have shown that the risk of depression and post traumatic stress disorder was higher for abuse victims than even those who have had childhood sexual abuse.

• Fractures
• Miscarriage
• Depression
• Major Surgery
• lacerations requiring stitches
• Sexually transmitted infections including HIV
• Loss of vision/hearing

These are some of the prominent outcomes of intimate partner violence that most studies find. 2

In more than half of the cases of abuse, children are witnesses to it. And in upto 5% cases even the children are abused by the partners.

A study from rural south India showed that thirty-four percent of the women surveyed reported having ever been hit, forced to have sex by their husbands or both. Women belonging to lower caste, poorer households, having greater economic autonomy, and whose husbands consumed alcohol were more likely to report violence. Women’s economic autonomy and husbands’ alcohol consumption were significantly associated with violence, independent of caste and economic status^.

The most important points made by Anand in his piece is that how the helth care givers have no understanding of how to identify victims of domestic violence and extend help to them. There is a need to train all kinds of service providers from health care to legal on gender sensitivity and violence against women issues so that they handle a case more efficiently.

Many times health care workers who are the first to see the results of intimate partner violence fail to identify it or do nothing about it. This and the social approval for domestic abuse ensures that she “normalizes” the abuse. She is deluded, as people around her that she deserves it, or that he is otherwise nice, or that there is nothing that can be done to help her.

We need to realize that at this stage, it is no longer a personal matter, it is public. We need to step in. Perhaps there is a stressor, maybe the guy is mentally unstable, or there might be substance abuse, or maybe he is just a jerk, whatever be, if we stand by looking, we are accomplices to the slow murder of usr friend, soul first then her body.

About the author

Anand describles himself as, “A doctor tired of pill pushing and taking the road less traveled, believes in non violence, people and other impossible things.” He is a staunch supporter of women rights and gender equality, a fact that is very evident from his social media spaces like blog, twitter and facebook. We salute male heros like him who speak up against violence and ‘Ring the Bell‘ in their own way.

Read the Full Article here

Having lived so far in a well-cultured and open-minded family in a metropolitan, isolated background, he had no idea about what happens in a house the very next street to his. And having studied and then worked out of his home for the last 10 years, he is totally unaware of things like groom-selling and Domestic Oppression. I had to give him a couple of examples to make him believe the subtle ways in which these things happen – in the name of “Gifts” or “Maa baap ke armaan” and how dowry is related to domestic-oppression. After listening in brief about the issue, he immediately got motivated to spread the awareness about these things in his hometown. And there grew my conviction towards this cause a bit more – if a 2 minute talk about these things can make anyone feel the pain of a woman, what pain would she be made to go through for the whole of her life.. day by day, month by month, year by year.. just to prove herself to be a good daughter, a good wife, a good daughter-in-law and above all, a good Bharatiya Naari!!

While the demand for dowry in uneducated families in rural areas seems to be totally baseless, and totally inspired by greed for earning some quick bucks without any hardwork, there is an interesting explanation that educated families in urban areas give for demanding dowry. “Apne bacche ko padha likhaakar badha kiya hai, accha kamaata hai, acchi naukri kar raha hai.. uski padhai ka kharcha to nikaalna hoga”. Before hearing this explanation, I always thought and was taught in school and in the religious sermons in childhood that whatever parents do for their children is totally selfless. But here, the parents are reclaiming all that they have spent on their son so far! And what about the amount spent by the girl’s parents on her upbringing who is not even going to live with them anymore?

And now that they have reclaimed the money spent on their son’s education, care, growing him up, and his safety and security so far, and now that they have quoted an amount that they think is equivalent to all those direct and indirect expenses, they should ideally stop calling him son – for the son has been sold now and the parents should start calling themselves to be just the ex-caretakers of that guy! And the daughter-in-law to be the new caretaker to whom the son has been sold. And post this business-deal, the old caretakers should stop interfering in the matters related to the new caretaker and the guy! But this does not happen. Moreover, the interference increases, and the things like domestic oppression, and regular harassment of the bride keeps pinching her for the rest of her life. And if she is somehow able to take her husband away from his parents for a happy life for herself, she is termed as “ghar ko todne wali”…

What sort of unethical deal is this !!

23 year old Neha committed suicide on January 1st. Her family alleged that her in laws “used to beat her up...” [Link] “Once she was beaten so badly by Dalal  (her husband)  that her jaw got dislocated and she also lost her job as air hostess,” Atul Ahlawat, Neha’s cousin, alleged.” After losing her job as an Air Hostess, she found a job on the Cruise liner where her husband was working. [Details in this news video.] Allegedly he continued to beat her here and one day she just couldn’t bear it any more and killed herself.

I am trying to understand what kind of compulsions could make any parents let their child go back to a spouse who allegedly dislocated her jaw. What did they say to her when they asked her to go back? Would they have said the same thing if the child being beaten was a male child?

Why was it so difficult to let this financially self reliant adult walk out of what they allege was an abusive and violent marriage? I have blogged about this in ‘When a daughter refuses to go back’. I can never understand why we don’t trust our daughters when they say they are unhappy… why would we rather they died than walked out?

Here’s the translation of what the mother has to say. I know other Indian mothers who would have said exactly the same thing. My responses in red.

“My daughter tried her best. (At best the beatings would become less frequent. The fear and mental abuse will stay. At best physical pain, indignity, embarrassment, humiliation and the lies to cover the bruises will become a part of her life.)

She did not want us to face any kind of unhappiness. (What about her unhappiness? Could she say the same thing for her parents?)

Neha was being tortured mentally. Physically too.(Why didn’t she have the confidence to walk out and save her life? Did she have no faith in her parents’ love and support?)

She told me this many times but I kept explaining to her that it will all be alright after a while. (It never gets ‘alright’, the threat of violence is always there and there is always a risk of injury and death)

The last time when she gave me the phone to speak to Ankit (the son in law) Ankit did not speak to me. And I heard Neha’s pained cry… like someone had hit her or something… then the phone was disconnected.” (This is a violent crime happening, and just because the criminal is a son in law does not make it okay. The parents should rush to the daughter’s site and if she has been brought up with any self worth and if she  trusts them, she will come back with them.)

I also feel violent men sense that the wife’s family would consider an odd dislocated jaw or broken bone their right as husbands. Nothing can be more encouraging for any criminal.

Dowry and Domestic Violence (DV) might lead to death by beatings or by suicide. Counselling and campaigns should be aimed at not just the victims but also the victim’s parents who see Domestic Violence as a domestic matter not a serious crime.

Shikha was a nurse by profession. The first time she gave into the demands of her new family was when she quit her job to become the “housewife”. Gradually her role started changing, she became the cook, the vent of all of her husband’s anger, reason of all the failures of her husband’s professional life and a never ending list of blames. To make things worse her marriage was not consummated. He kept on denying his medical problem and never visited a doctor.

She was in a dilemma, nobody wanted to bell the cat and support her emotionally and financially. She learnt her lessons of life and emerged out as a very strong person. After two years, she was on the verge of loosing her nursing registration; she made a hard choice, she chose in favour of her profession.

Now she is a full time nurse in a government hospital. She has created a niche of her own. She stays in her official residence, visits her parents seldom, having barely any ties with her husband and his family. Sourabh doesn’t want to divorce her–reason she is his “first love”. I don’t know when did the definition of love changed so much that I feel scared to even identify with it.

I have read biographies of women like Indira Gandhi and Sarojini Naidu, but for me Shikha’s courage to stand for her right is no less commendable. In a society where a girl does not have a choice or decision making powers on matters of all kinds, small to big, from what clothes to wear to who to talk, choice of life partner, profession etc, Shikha’s decision is a trend setter.

When it comes to making hard choices, the power of woman resurfaces.  In spite of all odds, she comes out as the strongest and the most evolved one. If she can be the loving mother-Parvati she can also be the courageous destructor evil -Durga. Many thumbs up to woman hood.