We received this email directly from a victim of domestic violence in Abu Dhabi. She has been living with violence for long being beaten up in every few months. We are sharing her story with you, hoping somebody in her neighborhood would ring the bell and bring a halt. Unless somebody will come forward and stand with her at the site of violence looking straight at the perpetrator’s eyes, violence will not stop.
(She has shared her real name and email address with us but keeping her safety in mind we are keeping her identity secret)
I am an Indian woman, aged 49, staying in Abu Dhabi since last 9 years.
I was working as a teacher, in one private school here. I was married and divorced in 1993. In 1995 I married to Jamal (name changed), an engineer by profession and Muslim aged 45.
The problem began few months after my marriage, for any small reason he used to beat me and taunt me his parents were against this marriage and are still insisting him to remarry.
After every few months gap he bashes me badly.
In February 2009 he had beaten and hurt me very badly I proceeded to Abu Dhabi police station with my colleague teachers, and filed a complaint. My husband was called to police station and asked to sign a bond, stating that he would not repeat it again.
In April 2009, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and had to go for the surgery I went to Bombay and got it done there. For further treatment I came back to Abu Dhabi. I underwent chemo therapy and later radiation therapy. During my chemo therapy, in Ramzan he was forcing me to travel to Mumbai but since I was very weak due to the chemotherapy, I refused. Due to this argument out of anger on 17th November 2009 he beat me badly. My nose started bleeding and got scar and scratches on my face and it hurt my breast too.
I was about to go to the police station as according to the written bond he was told that if he would repeat his actions, he will be jailed for 2 years and will be deported, he got scared and assured he will not repeat the beatings and requested me to give him last chance.
Now 2nd December 2009, he sent an email to me saying that we are travelling to India and he will take me to some baba. I said, I don’t want to visit any baba and he got angry and beat me again on my left eye, in which I find difficulty in my vision my nose was bleeding and my left ear got hearing problem.
This time again he promised me to give some time saying he will try to improve and did not let me go to the police station.
I am afraid one day something serious will happen to me.
My question is how can I ask him to give me assurance / or what can I do legally to take some action, so he will not repeat and stop this physical and mental torture.
Please help me as he says he will not divorce me, but frequently asks me to get out of the house and go from here.
Thanking you
Najma (name changed)
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Update: 13th Jan’10
Yesterday after publishing this post we wrote to Najma about her options. Today she replied. She said, she feels more confident and strong after getting an email from us. Meanwhile people on twitter spread Najma’s story across the web and we got response from Swati saying she could actually help this woman. (Swati’s tweets-1, 2, 3) We have now connected Swati with her. Let’s hope for the best. Check back for more updates on this.
Update: 18th Jan’10
We received another letter of thanks from Najma and this is what she wrote:
Hiii to Bell Bajao , Swati and all the well wishers
I am thankful to all of you for give me the strength and support.I approached to the INDIAN embassy, the Court and, finally to the police station. They really did the needful after calling him,and hope he got the lesson of the life time. Again he was made to sign on the papers issued from the court.
I had sound sleep after months and hope that things wont be repeated.
Thanx, once again.
Najma.
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It’s very sad… is wife-beating like an addiction for these men? :O
Shouldn’t you publish the name and address of this poor woman to avert a tragedy?
Dear Najma – C a gud lawyer immediately/ find out yr legal rights. Follow the advise. Do not be scared in fact it is high time you got him locked up permanently. If he can beat u mercilesseley why shld u take pity on him. Don’t know how the laws work in Abu Dhabi a good Kazi will also guide. This man is not worth living with. These category is extremely insecure, in yr case he is fed up and looking for a new woman ( must hve found till now) hence the divorce. Do you have kids? There are lots of women’s rights but we do not use it properly we are scared of the society ostracising us & men take advantage of this. Do not move out frm yr house – women under domestic violence act 2005 in India can seek protection/ another reisdence to stay safely + more benefits but u will hve to go for it legally. Divorce is a better option + alumny (muslims hve the meher) than to get beaten up. Good luck. U can write to me anytime.
Only low life guttless cowards hit woman. [Some text edited for being racial and violent]
Just get back to India and leave, disappear and get a new identity for yourself – it’s a last resort, better than being humiliated like this. There is no way he will ever change. have faith in urself alone and move. If you have gone thru so much and have no legal recourse that protects you or gets you a divorce, girl you are better off without either of them. Easier said than done you would say. It is possible is all I will say. Rest is your call. Nobody but you can make this choice for u.
Dear, Najma!
Your story has touched me.
You are very patient woman.
And I dare to think, that you sincerely trusted that your husband will change ( once, twice, etc etc).
Now you understand, that it is impossible.
Also it is impossible this violence more.
Let your force, your mind and resoluteness to make yourself free.
Unfortunately, I have no contacts in Abu-Dhabi and lawyers who could help you.
But I am assured, that the basic decision in You, Najma.
Do not let yourself to forgive your husband.
Basically, it was your husband Never.
The creating female nature is extremely patient and all forgiving too.
Forgive yourself, dear Najma, and leave from this monster.
With love and sincerity,
A.G. (from Russia)
dear Nazma
Deeply touched by your story bt nt at all surprised .It happens ,that we females are victimized all the time directly or indirectly.We are always the ones who could not dare to be out of our own ,self made prisons due to all the fears of insecurity,society and future.I am also sailing in the same boat ,though not beaten but yes living with a husband who is not earning since last 16 yrs and is living like a king with me,enjoying my salary,me and all the household comforts that i give to him unwillingly because of the society norms and my family.Even i want to be out of this web but find me helpless .But Nazma if you get even a smallest ray of hope ,do come out of it before it is too late .Leave him ,leave him ………….n start a new life
jyotika
Dear Najma,
I am touched by your story.I am a mental health professional and do come across such incidents of wife abuse. Since you are educated i feel you should be more confident and fight it out. Severe abuse by spouses point that he might be suffering from some psychiatric illness where jealousy, suspiciousness might be predominant. Does he drink? If yes his behaviour may account for the same. How was his previous relationship?
I strongly feel you should act now… since your health is also not too good .Try to gather strength and courage and with the support of your friends and relatives do something… I wish you all the best.God bless you
I am a lady who has been beaten up by my husband everytime we have a little arguement. I am sick and tired of this which he continously treat me disrespectfully infront of my family members and also infront of my inlaws..Please help me with the right information to stop him from treating me like a child but like his wife..All I want is to argue or solve a problem like husband and wife and not like a 7 year old child beaing beaten up by his dad…Please help me as it always affects my job and my relationship with my children.. Thank you and awaiting your kind response.
Regards
Jacklyn Ikumu
yes it is…some men take it as nothing when they beat up a woman. They have no heart or will apologise to a woman after the man beats her up.. I for one experience this all the time and I am sick and tired. are there any ways of helping to stop this continous beatings by husbands.
Please reply as we have suffered too long with very aggressive men.
Dear friends….thanx a lot for being so supportive in my matter.
@ dr.latha…..nop my husband is not a drunker,he is very religious person.Yes ,you are right doctor ,he has psychological problems for which i seek some solutions if you can help me please….
@swati,….thanx my friend for your emotional support.
Here in abudhabi,actually ,the law is very supportive and favours the females.I was very weak ,till the team of BELLBAJAO pumped me with courage and made me strong.
I really salute the abudhabi team of judiciary department and the police as well,for their immediate action.The court ordered to open his file as soon as gave the application to the public prosecutor,and he was immediately called by the head of the department.
as soon as he entered the police station ,the inspector put the chains in his feet.and he was shocked .
and then scolded and freed him after about 5 hours.and filed the case of domestic violence and got signed by him.infact as per court orders ,he was to be deported from abudhabi after imprisonment for 2 months.but on my request he was allowed to go home.
we the women are very weak ,till we are inside the house.
Just dont keep quiet…speak to every one close to you …..
In my case my ex_ student ,came forward ,to help me out.
we need to spread the words among our wellwishers.
Do not keep quiet,Be very strong and keep your savings and jewellery, either in the bank or with some trustworthy person .
ALL THE BEST to Jaklyn, jyothikahanda and all other victims…
long live BELL BAJAO
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