A friend asked this morning, “Do these things happen in present times also?”

Having lived so far in a well-cultured and open-minded family in a metropolitan, isolated background, he had no idea about what happens in a house the very next street to his. And having studied and then worked out of his home for the last 10 years, he is totally unaware of things like groom-selling and Domestic Oppression. I had to give him a couple of examples to make him believe the subtle ways in which these things happen – in the name of “Gifts” or “Maa baap ke armaan” and how dowry is related to domestic-oppression. After listening in brief about the issue, he immediately got motivated to spread the awareness about these things in his hometown. And there grew my conviction towards this cause a bit more – if a 2 minute talk about these things can make anyone feel the pain of a woman, what pain would she be made to go through for the whole of her life.. day by day, month by month, year by year.. just to prove herself to be a good daughter, a good wife, a good daughter-in-law and above all, a good Bharatiya Naari!!

While the demand for dowry in uneducated families in rural areas seems to be totally baseless, and totally inspired by greed for earning some quick bucks without any hardwork, there is an interesting explanation that educated families in urban areas give for demanding dowry. “Apne bacche ko padha likhaakar badha kiya hai, accha kamaata hai, acchi naukri kar raha hai.. uski padhai ka kharcha to nikaalna hoga”. Before hearing this explanation, I always thought and was taught in school and in the religious sermons in childhood that whatever parents do for their children is totally selfless. But here, the parents are reclaiming all that they have spent on their son so far! And what about the amount spent by the girl’s parents on her upbringing who is not even going to live with them anymore?

And now that they have reclaimed the money spent on their son’s education, care, growing him up, and his safety and security so far, and now that they have quoted an amount that they think is equivalent to all those direct and indirect expenses, they should ideally stop calling him son – for the son has been sold now and the parents should start calling themselves to be just the ex-caretakers of that guy! And the daughter-in-law to be the new caretaker to whom the son has been sold. And post this business-deal, the old caretakers should stop interfering in the matters related to the new caretaker and the guy! But this does not happen. Moreover, the interference increases, and the things like domestic oppression, and regular harassment of the bride keeps pinching her for the rest of her life. And if she is somehow able to take her husband away from his parents for a happy life for herself, she is termed as “ghar ko todne wali”…

What sort of unethical deal is this !!